Idk what to put here or how to design a website. Now I’ve got to learn code in and shit in order to make this whole mess of a website enjoyable, but I’ve never done coding, hate the concept of learning a whole new language just for website building, and honestly completely unenthused to even begin the process. I just want a place where I can be myself without seeing anyone try to adjust my views to theirs. I am my own person and all I’ve ever wanted was acceptance. But, I’m also completely unstable as a person and I don’t know what stability even looks like without turning on the TV and seeing happy couples create content I enjoy. Which makes my view just as biased as the next person. I don’t want to OWN anyone. If I just had someone I can always count on to help me meet my needs, I would be satisfied. But, I’m not good at communicating. I’m not good at maintaining friendships and every sexual partner I’ve had has been some sort of insanity (Except one, and I really hope she is doing well). Which doesn’t make me feel very confident in my own sanity. And, at the moment I’m writing this, I’m completely alone, broke, and no one wants me around long term but willing to put up with me short term. That’s my fault. I’ve pushed almost everyone in my life away and I don’t know if I’ll ever be fixed. There is something broken in me that people recognize and avoid. And I can’t fix it with a flip of a switch. I can’t change it with a wave of a wand, and I can’t afford therapy. Even if I could afford therapy, would I actually grow this time? Because last time I was in therapy, it was awful. But, that was also my fault. I don’t know how to bring up stuff from my past consistently. And I am afraid to mention my mistakes because I am honestly afraid of being sued or jailed. Should I risk my future to truly amend my past or should I hide in a false belief again in order to feel atoned but never changed?